Leo Never Gets the Girl

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After Leo missed out on another Oscar win this past year, I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of role it would take for the Academy to finally recognize his talents – maybe if he could get the girl, he could get the Oscar.

*Spoilers to follow*

1. Rome & Juliet (1996)

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Everyone knows what happens, but it didn’t make the loss any less painful…

Viewer: Her fingers are moving! Her eyes are opening! She’s not dead! SHE’S NOT DEAD. DON’T YOU DRINK THAT POISON.

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2. Titanic (1997)

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The following year, Leo portrayed another ill-fated character – Jack Dawson – and girls everywhere swooned. And sobbed.

Viewer: They’re meant to be together! They’ve gone through too much! THERE WAS ROOM ON THAT DOOR.

*At least we get a glimpse into their underwater after life

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3. Catch Me If You Can (2002)

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It could be argued that Frank doesn’t really want to be with Brenda, but it hurts nonetheless to see him endure another broken relationship (Frank/Mom, Frank/Dad, Frank/Everyone else in his life). At least he still has Carl.

Viewer: Stop running! She loves you! ADMIT YOUR MISTAKES AND JUST LIVE.

 4. The Departed (2006)

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Poor Billy just wants to be a honest cop in a dishonest world, and Madolyn is there to help him.

Until Colin (Matt Damon) shows up.

Viewer: Wait. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. THAT’S NOT EVEN FAIR.

 5. Revolutionary Road (2008)

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The world rejoiced when it found out that Leo and Kate would finally reunite onscreen, hoping that this time around their love wouldn’t be destroyed by disaster. Icebergs, splitting ships, and icy drownings have nothing on this suburban sob story set in the 1950s.

Viewer: But…it’s Leo and Kate…

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6. Shutter Island (2010)

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While investigating the disappearance of a patient on Shutter Island, Teddy Daniels is also forced to deal with his own demons, including his wife.

Viewer: I don’t…why did she…how could he…

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7. Inception (2010)

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Hired to incept a client’s competitor, Cobb’s own dreams about his wife, Mal, interfere with the high-stakes operation.

Viewer: Her name is Mal? This isn’t going to be good…

8. The Great Gatsby (2013)

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Even though the movie received mixed reviews, Leo gives us a stellar performance as lovelorn Jay Gatsby who will do anything for Daisy, and Daisy will do anything for…attention.

Viewer: SHE DOESN’T DESERVE HIM.

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9. The Wolf of Wallstreet (2013)

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With all of the drugs, crimes, and over-the-top indulgences, you couldn’t really feel bad for Jordan Belfort when his second wife (rightfully) leaves him.

Viewer: Shame on him.

So is the Academy full of a bunch of romantics who want to see Leo wind up with the girl, instead of him dying/her dying/both of them dying? Probably not. But he’ll get it.

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